The fart attack

Here I am, laid in midst of a nauseating stench, what is it? Has the baby pooped? Has there been a sewage leak? Maybe an egg disposable unit has opened up next door?

Hell no! It is only the farts from the person I share a bed with, the mother of my son. In the 3 years living together, I have never smelt such a pungent smell in my life. As I’ve typed this she has now sprayed chemicals which are now sat on my tongue almost feels like it’s been sprayed in my mouth, and it seems to be complimenting the fart.

Wow I mean I can still smell it, the most horrific scenario of my life…

That is the last time she eats Brussels sprouts , barf!!!

Bruno zee Bear

Oh I had to just add this quick post about one of Oliver’s gift, it’s hilarious.

Basically it’s an interactive Bear named Bruno and it sleeps, eats, laughs, snores, the usual. It’s pretty cool and extremely cute. But damn it looks like a stoner. I mean those eyes man look extremely suspicious, like he been vaping some good stuff while I’m not looking, creepy!!!

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Christmas Day – Day 1- Part 1

Christmas Day has finally landed, and what madness it has been. Xmas is stressful, how can anyone say it’s not? Anyway it’s for the kids, if it wasn’t for Oliver I would most likely choose to celebrate on the low down with nothing but a tin of chicken soup and her majesty’s speech.

Even though today was a success, I unfortunately woke up feeling sick still but Oliver was up and about like nothing, so that’s was obviously God’s work today. My throat is still hurting and that horrible sick sensation down my nasal passages lives on.

Due to the clear indicators of poor health today we postponed Xmas dinner and instead ate some pasta meal, in which I was actually relieved as my throat hurts and I wouldn’t have enjoyed a good dinner feeling like this.

As my title states this is only part one, Xmas is not over my friend. The turkey is yet to be cooked, we having one more day for you Jesus! Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.

I hope.

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It’s Christmas Eve… In Sweden!

It’s here again, yet another Xmas to witness and one spare casket without my name on it. This is now my 3rd Swedish Xmas away from old Blighty and of course how can I not miss England’s Xmas cheers with the humble Queen Elizabeth the seconds little face on my TV set, oh Britain.

But here I am about to embrace another wild Swedish Xmas here in the land of IKEA and, meatballs, mmm those delicious meatballs. The tree is still standing surprisingly as kids and trees (fake trees in this instance) don’t go hand in hand. All the presents are wrapped by my elf assistant, ready to be opened tomorrow, the Swedish Xmas day but Xmas eve for Britain and a whole ton of other ordinary boring countries that aren’t good enough to celebrate on the 24th, humbugs in my rather extremely comfortable bed, and I mean that in the most heterosexual way you could ever imagine.

Unfortunately today we have had an intruder, this specific intruder has intruded too many times before but this time he has really taken the biscuit, the common cold, you bastardo, why now? It’s Xmas you evil Mexican bull baiting son of a bitch. Fevers galore in here today, my throat feels like it’s witnessed Krueger grip.

We received another box today from my Father, if you are reading this thank you for that and merry Xmas to you!!

Anyway that Abba espresso is wearing off, it’s time to sleep, Santa’s coming soon… Night night.

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Cringing

Ok today has been a terrible day, a bloody awful day but thankfully the night was a moderate success.

I mean a bowl of sweets, ice tea; Xmas tree and of course Dr Who season 1 isn’t such a bad thing and was certainly enough to salvage this tiring day. Now the thing is I’ve never watched Dr Who before, I’ve avoided it from the very beginning because, let’s be frank, it looks ridiculous. just look at the CGI on it, it’s an absolute joke and the acting is certainly cringe worthy.

But for some reason I like it. But nevertheless it’s still cringing. Anyway it’s bedtime now, my throat is drying up and it’s time to prep for another day, hopefully it will be a better one.

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